The following is a self-narrative of a young man whom we will code name Luke Shao. He delved into “qi-gong” (pronounces “ch’i-gong”), a Chinese “breathing exercise,” for ten years before he was liberated from it through faith in Christ. It is said that there are over 80 million Chinese who practice a variety of qi-gong. The most well-known kind to the world outside China is “falungong,” because the Chinese government has labelled it as a cult and pursued a policy to eliminate its organizational structure and influence.
From Luke’s ten year experience in qigong, he divided the practice of qigong into three stages. The first stage is physical exercise through a method of breaking so as to move the “air” (qi) into the interior parts of the body for health reasons. The second state is when one desires to have supernatural power, such as the ability to heal illness or extr-sensory perception. That supernatural ability, according to Luke, comes from demonic spirits. The third stage is when one becomes so bound to various demonic spirits that he become totally enslaved by these spirits. During this last stage, one can even experience one’s spirit leaving one’s body to hover around.
From his experience, and from the perspective of his faith in Christ, identified the “supernatural capabilities” that he experienced as of demonic source, and advises all Christians to stay away from qi-gong beyond the first stage. In fact, it is even better not to get started.
The following is the summary of Luke Sha’s experience.
1. Debut in Qigong Field
In 1987 I contracted rheumatism, which caused my spine and head to ache so severely that I could hardly turn my head around. My parents taught him “Spontaneous Five Animal Sports Gong (exercise)” to heal my illness. I began to learn this exercise. Before then, my parents had already taught me some basic exercise methods, like “internal elixir gong.” This exercise is to imagine there is a little bright ball inside your belly at the belly button. It is said that the function of this little ball is to increase and improve one’s energy and health. Whenever I imagined having this little ball in my belly, I could feel its heat. I remember sometimes in winter, I would keep out the cold in this way. This is to say I that had already by that summer accepted the concept and fact of Qigong having supernormal functions.
The night when Mum and Dad taught me Five Animal Sports, all looked as peaceful and natural as usual. It even seemed to have a nice atmosphere. I didn’t really understand what I was doing that night. I didn’t know that Qigong would waste my youthful years, nor did I know what tragic a price I had to pay, nor did I know how many other people I would later mislead to abyss.
My parents told me that this gong has shocking effect, but that it is also easy to error. In Qigong terms, it is called “zouhuo” (going off accidently). It is to say, if the practitioner was affected by external provocation and interference, or is he/she is not concentrated enough to keep the right order of moves when practicing, then the slight result will be that the practitioner will feel uncomfortable, or get his/her health harmed, resulting in mental disorder or schizophrenia. I was a little nervous after I was told these, but I didn’t think that it could happen to me.
I started to practice this exercise. I closed my eyes. Mm parents stood beside me and told me the imagined steps. I followed them carefully, step by step, but without any movements. Very soon the beginning move was completed. I stood still and very shortly, there was a kind of power began to shake me and I rocked back and forth and swayed side to side. My parents reminded me not to be nervous and try to relax. I actually didn’t feel even the least nervous, but on the contrary very much thrilled and excited. Gradually I was completely controlled by that power and felt very curious and wanted to see what movements it would lead me to do. Very slowly my body began to make greater and greater movements and I moved about in the room again and again yet without feeling any exhaustion. Then my body started to make movements resembling Five Animal Sports. First, I made movements like that of bears, then like monkeys, and then like tigers. When I saw my body make these movements, I was very much surprised and also found it very intriguing. It seemed that my body was giving me a performance. If I could jump out of myself, I would have been like a spectator. I didn’t know the power that was directing my body. I thought it was an unknown power coming forth from our body, but I was totally wrong.
Then my parents showed me step by step how to end the practice. After I had completed the practice, they told me happily that I had a very good talent for doing this kind of exercise (gong) because they saw I that could do part of the “Five Animal Sports” the first time, and it turned out to be exactly as described in the book on Five Animal Sports. I was shocked to experience such power. I was so encouraged that I wanted to know what the next higher level would be like.
The second day, I practiced again with the help of my parents, and I experienced more strange movements. I even produced the howling of a tiger, so low and so full of power and grandeur that I was secretly very proud of myself, even though it was so loud that the neighbours must have heard it too. After I completed all of the Five Animal Sports, I didn’t know what to expect next. According to the book, the fact that one can produce all the movements of Five Animal Sports shows his/her heart, lung, liver, spleen and kidney are all healed and healthy. I was very happy and overjoyed this marvelous way of maintaining my health. But there was no obvious improvement in my neck or my spine bone.
About a week later, I was able to familiarize myself completely with the method of Five Animal Sports and learned a lot. One night, I was practicing outdoors when my neck began to shake continuously, back and forth, side to side, and turned and stretched. I thus felt great pains in my sick neck and spine bone, but it was hard to stop the movement. Suddenly my head was pulled back fiercely and my neck turned backward abruptly. I seemed to have heard a cracking sound, and felt immense pains in my neck and spine bone. Then my body calmed down, my eyes full of tears. In a few minutes, my neck shook again, but there was no pain at all. I felt an unprecedented relaxation and delight. From that night on, my neck and spine pain vanished. My parents were very happy and I was most happily astonished at tasting the benefit of Qigong. I henceforth started my long and hard life of Qigong. I was eighteen that year.
2. Rising to a Higher Level
My health was much improved after I practiced Qigong for a whole summer. I was in a high spirit and set up as my next goal to open up “xiao zhou tian” and “da zhou tian”. The former is having “zhen qi” moving freely to and fro between the “ren” and “du” arteries and veins; the latter is “zhen qi” automatically running through all main and collateral channels according to the 12 two-hour periods. I then started to look at the world and myself from a totally new angle and was gradually awakened to “truths” that were unspeakable. I introduced Qigong to a former classmate, who accepted it quickly and experienced same astonishment.
I continued to practice Qigong every day. Sometimes I wanted very much to stop practicing it, but was afraid of losing it. I decided to teach this gong method to my best friend, because he was suffering from stomach troubles. He asked me to teach him to regain his health. After one month’s practice, his stomach became almost as normal as normal could be. He could eat all kinds of food and could even drink cold water as I did. We were both encouraged and practiced together thereafter. We urged and learned from each other and found a lot of fun in so doing.
How time flies! My qi-gong power had grown so much that I found I could start my gong-fu without the “switching on” steps. I still paid much attention to the ending process though. Gradually I became calm while practicing Qigong and had fewer and fewer movements. This is part of the repetition process called “extreme motion begets motionless and extreme motionless begets motion.” I was very satisfied with my improvement, but got a little tired of the motionless state of practice. I longed in my heart for some exciting events and results.
A few months later I went back home to visit my parents. They gave me a book as a treasured object. It was a “Yan Xin Qigong Report.” I read this book with curiosity and admiration. I finished reading it in a few hours. When I turned over the last page, I knew that what I wished for at last come, and that my Qigong gongfu was going to enter into a new epoch. This book recorded the content of Yan Xin’s Qi-emitting lectures and a reportorial literature on the strong reactions of thousands of attendants at his lectures. How incredible!Some of the attendants cried, some laughed; some couldn’t keep from moving violently and some ran up and down, screamed and shouted loudly. They all did different things at the same time but did not interfere with each other. Some who were paralyzed stood up from their wheel chairs and walked; many sick got healed immediately. The spectacular scenes were shocking and unbelievable. People got dumb struck.
How could this be possible? I wondered. But I believed all that were recorded were actual happenings and I was totally convinced. I then took Yan as my most admirable master and my example for practicing Qigong. I was determined to become a master like Yan Xin. I believed this goal was quite reachable for me. There are very few detailed movement positions in Yan Xin’s method of Qigong. He is the first master to simplify the principles of Qigong practice. His method is mostly some meditation steps and does not have many requirements as to body postures, though he does propose Buddhist and Taoist “sitting in meditation.” It is also called “pan zuo,” which is sitting with both legs bent and resting on each other (“shuang pan”).
Yan Xin Qigong is not widely popularized, because many practitioners find it hard to understand. But to some it is a higher level Qigong, for they have great power of understanding, and good sensitivities. These seem to be innate and Buddhism calls it “root of intelligence” (“hui gen”). I found that I possess exactly these good qualities. I impatiently quit the “Five Animal Sports” for Yan Xin Qigong. I learned to sit in meditation and listened to the recording of Yan Xin’s Qi-emitting lectures while I practiced Qigong. In the beginning, I practiced “dan pan”, which is having only one leg bent and rest on the other leg in sitting position, while keeping the upper body straight and lower jaw slightly lowered, then relaxing the whole body, eyes closed and tongue stuck to the upper jaw, gradually sinking into tranquility. Then I meditated according to some order, counted silently, imagined some pictures, all at the same time. In the beginning, I chose, as required by Yan Xin Qigong, the sun, flowers and saplings as the objects of my meditation. And in order to achieve a certain effect, I also took as an object of meditation a beautiful young girl that I had seen. While I meditated, I had to adjust my breathing so that when I exhaled I let my belly swell and inhaled, let it contract; this is the so-called contrary breathing. The objects of meditation had to be active, as if I really saw them. For example, I saw myself watering a cypress sapling and it grew up slowly, etc. So it is to say that sitting in meditation, keeping the posture, the counting, doing the contrary breathing and meditating have to be done simultaneously. It is awkward and also impossible.
For the first few days, I felt very difficult and painful and my spirit was tired. But I persisted by my strong will, for I wanted to achieve miraculous result. I did it everyday. In a week, I gradually got used to meeting all the requirements at the same time and even felt natural in doing it. I was very surprised that I made good progress, as if a power was helping me do such a complicated thing so easily. About a month later, I went out of town on business and when evening came, I sat in meditation as usual and was tranquilized in meditation. I didn’t know how long time had passed when suddenly a white light flashed in the room and seemed to have brightened up the whole room. I opened my eyes in surprise and didn’t see anything unusual. I closed my eyes again and realized that it was not a common light, but a good phenomenon of Qigong practicing, for I then remembered what Yan Xin said in his book about the white light which was not to be afraid of and the appearance of which was normal and a good thing. I didn’t know that I had on that day made a critical step into the spiritual sphere through Qigong. Supernormal capabilities entered into me starting from that point on, just as described in Yan Xin’s book. I then pursued the practice impatiently for even higher level of supernatural experience.
After three months of practicing Yan Xin Qigong, I started to practice bending and crossing both legs on each other in sitting position, which is needed to attain qi-gong power. This was hard to do. I had never been able to do it before. I sat myself down succeeded in doing it. I was thrilled. I was grossly encouraged, thinking it was completely a miracle. But my legs felt extremely miserable and even my whole body suffered. I clenched my teeth and persisted. My soul was fatigued, but I continued to bear it. My heart felt so terrible that I was going to throw up. Tears came up to my eyes and I had pains in all my bones and muscles. I felt I was dying. At last, I let down my legs and I was sweating all over. Relaxing, I felt very much comforted. I looked at my watch. Only fives minutes passed. I doubted if I would be able to do it.
To my surprise, in a week, I was able to do “both legs crossing” for half an hour. I knew that I had received help from an external power. The appearance of supernormal capabilities served as a great driving force for me to go on practicing “both legs crossing.” I tested myself according to the practices and switching on procedures described in books on Gong methods and discovered almost all those supernormal capabilities were in me. This was my achievement after practicing Qigong, especially Yan Xin’s Qigong for nine months.
The first to come was the supernormal ability of body sensation. When someone was near me, consciously or unconsciously I felt discomfort in the same part of my body as the part of this person where it was diseased, so I could tell where exactly the problem was and approximately what kind of disease it was. Because I was afraid to take on others’ feelings of being sick and the attack by the “sick Qi (air)”, I didn’t like to get near to those who were seriously.
The next step was the ability of transmitting messages by the will of the mind. I tried to transmit simple messages to others by an act of my will, such as words like left, right, or short numbers. I found out that there were people who were sensitive and those who were not. Little children were generally very sensitive. There was a little girl who was especially sensitive to my messages and she was never wrong. Her parents asked her why she could receive my message so quickly, she said she could hear my voice telling her the message. In fact, I spoke to her only in my heart.
One major supernormal capability I had was healing the sick. I put my hand over the diseased part and could feel energy coming out of my hand. I would feel a kind of exhaustion later on and was very tired sometimes, but the disease that I healed very easily disappeared. There are many different ways to heal the sick, I could heal in whichever way I liked.
Soon I became very well known in our local area. Many people came to me for healing their diseases and I was overjoyed to respond to every plea. And I found out that my qi-gong power increased by leaps and bounds when I used my supernatural capabilities to perform acts of charity. It became more and more miraculous and incredible. Yan Xin’s Qigong theory emphasizes “gong de” (public virtue) a lot. “Gong de” is the virtue or morality of the practitioners. It encourages mainly doing good deeds, setting up good character, and respecting Qigong masters of Buddhism, Taoism and every other origin.
3. Initial Success of My Gong Career
After the first half year of practicing Qigong, my gongfu grew with each passing day and my supernatural abilities increased to be so much stronger and multiplied to be so many that I myself was surprised. I thought that the human body was really marvelous and that the universe was really mysterious. According to Yan Xin’s theory, Qigong master’s energy comes from the potentialities of human body and the natural cosmic world, and sometimes from high level Qigong masters. I believed that supernatural capabilities came from our own bodies and the natural world. I also believed that Qigong masters of extraordinarily high level could provide guidance and instruction. By now I had turned from an atheist to a theist of some sort, though my concept of god was very obscure. I believed that human beings could have eternal life, and my goal of life was just seeking eternal life, which I took to be the utmost meaning of life. And this meaning of life was an impetus for me to keep on practicing Qigong for all many years of my Qigong career. I then disregarded trifles of life and engaged myself physically and mentally completely in Qigong. I was no longer concerned with my work and my relationship with others, and unconsciously secluded myself from others. My girlfriend left me and I wanted love no more. I even lost interest in my hobby of writing. All these dispersed in front of my Qigong, as if they no longer belonged to me. The only thing that I desired was for Qigong to bring me health, supernatural ability and immortal life. I then could understand why some people wanted to become monks or priests. I also longed for life in seclusion, away from the society. Many aspirations became desolate and many desires began to settle down. Other people didn’t understand me and forsook me, but I didn’t care. I knew what I was doing. After all, Qigong and Tao understood me; after all, those who had knowledge of my gongfu and those who had been healed by me knew me and respected me. In a word, I cared for one thing, which was Qigong. Through studying Qigong theory and its practicing, I realized Qigong was a mysterious truth that few people knew. I regarded it as the greatest mystery of the universe and life. My new worldview, morality, value and behavioral principles took shape in me, dispersing, like wind blowing away, the communist thinking that had been instilled in me from early youth disappeared like smoke in the twinkling of an eye.
When I returned home, all I talked with my parents was about qi-gong. They were pleased with my progress, and they were teaching friends and relatives how to practice Qigong. My mother’s health was nearly recovered and was back to work. She often exclaimed, “Qigong has saved me!”
My parents planned to move to a new home that was not very far away. Dad and I decided to move without asking others for help. In order for the new home to be a strong Qi field, we repeatedly played tapes of Yan Xin’s recordings. We had peace of mind for so doing. By mid-night almost finished the moving, when the two tapes were playing repeatedly for many times. Very strangely, I didn’t feel tired at all, but rather felt very much relaxed as if I hadn’t been toiling so hard. My heart was filled with peace and joy. When we were finishing moving, I felt more and more comfortable listening to the recordings on the tapes and a kind of power begann to defuse within my body, and gradually it spread all over my body and soul. This power began to stir and my soul felt uneasy and also began to stir. I realized something unusual was happening, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I tried to calm myself down and resisted this power by reasoning. But immediately I knew I failed. Deciding to yield, I told my parents hastily, “I can’t bear it anymore. I want to do something very unusual. I can’t stand it!” My voice must have sounded very desperate, for I got them very much concerned for me. They encouraged me and said, “Don’t be afraid! Relax! Let it be!” Dad hurried to accompany me when I walked out of the house towards a large piece of land in the boundless darkness of night. I suddenly found it was a vast expense of whiteness all around me. It looked like clouds, but it wasn’t. At this moment I heard Yan Xin’s recording on the tape saying “It’s a vast expense of whiteness all around.” I looked up and there wasn’t any white thing, but only the starry sky, which looked beautiful and mysterious to me. Many years later, I still remembered the strange and peaceful sky on that night.
I groped my way to the clearing and let go all my worries and fears, completely succumbing to the control of that power, while my heart was filled with curiosities. I moved in a circle, again and again, letting myself obey what it was. My body was pulled like that of a drunkard. That power was growing all the while and seemed to pull me out of my body. I felt as if there were two “I”s inside of my body; one is stirring, the other one looked on, having no choice. Finally the stirring “I” rushed out of me at last like a volcano. It rushed out of my throat, and out of my mouth ran a long scream full of strangeness and sorrow, very far, far away into the quiet night. It seemed that my soul was crying. But why? I didn’t know. There was no answer to this question. My eardrum shook, my mouth thirsted, but I felt very comfortable and full of senses of mystery. I realized I had entered into a very rare Qigong state, in which I was connected with a superhuman power.
Gradually, my body began to quiet down and I entered into a selfless level. Everything seemed to exist and yet was nonexistent. Very slowly, my sensations became illusory too. I didn’t know how long such state lasted, I suddenly knelt down and that power forcefully pushed my head downward to the ground. I rejected again, but it seemed there was a huge hand pressing on the back of my neck. It wanted me to kowtow. I felt humiliated and was unwilling to kowtow, but a message entered into my mind. It told me that a high level Qigong master had chosen me to be his disciple and wanted to impart his “gong” to me and that he was dying. After I heard this, I lowered my head immediately until it touched the ground. I accepted in awe my invisible master, letting him impart a higher level of qi-gong to me as he willed.
After a little while, my hand pulled up some grass beside me and put them into my mouth. I chewed them and at once and I swallowed down a lot and my throat thirsted no more. My body had regained tranquility by then, and I lifted up my head on my own and looked up at the dark sky. I knew my “master” had died, and that his soul was still existent and protected me and added continuously more “gong” on me.
I rose and realized the white smoke was no longer there. By the moonlight I could see very far. My Dad was still standing there, far away. We returned home and it was already after one in the morning. Mum and Dad looked at me concerned, and asked me how I was feeling. I said very well. They were very happy for me, but I could see perplexity showing up on their face.
The next day I was returning to my work unit. My mother had me take some dates with me and put them in two bags. She wanted to weigh them and see how the weight of the dates in each bag. But I immediately said, “This weigh one pound and one onze.” She weighed it and it was exactly what I said. I told Mum that the other weighted so much, and it was just as I said. She didn’t believe me and weighed and found out they were just as I said. Mum looked at me with surprise. We both realized that my gong power had increased again.
Since that day, my Qigong power had entered into a new level. I did my best to sit in meditation and practice Qigong between 11:00pm and 1:00am. For the Qi field is strongest during these hours, and so practicing Qigong during this period of time would produce the best effect. But I learned what it was to “practice Qigong twenty-four hours a day.” I could stay in Qigong state all the time and often had my tongue stuck to my upper jaw. My forehead began to sink and had a special feeling at the center of my forehead, called “tianmu,” which is called the “third eye” on the human body. Once anyone has his/her tianmu opened, he/she will be able to see many things invisible to human eyes, his/her supernatural capabilities will be enhanced. I had always wanted to have my tianmu opened. My healing power grew stronger and stronger. Many people came to me or had me come to their homes to heal the sick. All those healed by me received surprising healing effects. Later, I started to heal remotely. One day a friend came to see me and told me his colleague had an unbearably terrible toothache and asked me to go with him to help him. I said to my friend, “You go back and tell him he is all right now.” After a little while, this friend came back to me in great excitement and reported, “The moment I saw my colleague, he told me that his toothache had just stopped. You are really getting more and more powerful.” There was once a university student who asked me to try on him the remote massage. I agreed and we set a time. We were several hundred miles apart. But when the appointed time came, I didn’t do the remote massage for him, for I forgot about it. I felt very sorry and embarrassed, but received a letter a few days later, in which he described excitedly how he had an miraculous experience that day when our set time came. He was lying on his bed and at the exact time he felt severe bloating pain in his shoulders and his muscles bounced for about a minute. He said this was the first time he ever experienced in person the miraculous power of qigong.
After reading his letter, I was greatly surprised. How could this be possible since I had missed the appointed time that day? He was a science student who took facts and logic seriously. I could imagine what he had experienced from the astonishment he expressed in his letter. But how could I explain this event? I had no answer. I later read about similar events in qigong magazines, but no reasonable explanations about them.
I practiced harder and my gong power was increasing all the time. I became more and more famous and more people came to acknowledge me as their master and learn qigong from me. But I was not interested in having disciples for I hadn’t found any suitable candidates with very good “root of intelligence” (hui gen). I taught them some simple qigong methods when it was too hard to refuse. Some of what I taught was already in books, while others were my own inventions. But the result was satisfying. Under my influence, there arose in my town an active trend of practicing qigong. They voluntarily organized themselves and practiced qigong together. They bought videotapes of Yan Xin’s qi-emitting lectures and played them for free. I went to take a look and was very much inspired. Many of the local people had just realized the miraculous power of qigong. They practiced together, but I still practiced by myself, though they wanted very much to have me lead them. I had no interest in so doing for their qigong levels were very low and thus they were not helpful to me.
Later on, I invented a way to cure nearsightedness. I put a vision test table on the wall. I had the nearsighted persons stand five meters away from it and asked them to take off their eyeglasses and to make clear of what were on that table, starting from the first line, then the second, then the third, until they could see very clearly the last line. They couldn’t believe how their vision could improve miraculously to the best state in just a few minutes. I was startled but didn’t show it. One after another nearsighted person came to me for healing their eyes. I used my supernormal capabilities on all of them. But the problem was that after a few days, they had to put their glasses on again, because their vision receded again. And I couldn’t explain why.
Three years passed. I practiced qigong every day, and dared not to slack. During this time, I read a lot of books, Taoist, Buddhist and Tibetan. I studied a lot of gong methods and learned Chinese medicine theory for half a year. Because as Yan Xin said “Chinese medicine and qigong come from one origin.” The study during those years helped to broaden my theoretical knowledge and effectively advanced my practice. I also discovered that qigong exists in various forms in Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism, even in the high level of Chinese Medicine. I had at this time started to practice my own gong method, which was very simple and very effective, for I had already found out about the basic theory of qigong and I thought I had already entered into a state in which I was connected with the natural cosmic energy field. This is so-called staying in qigong state at all time. I could practice qigong while doing whatever I was doing, such as walking, sitting, and lying down. Qigong practicing became much easier. And whenever I was tired, I sat in meditation and immediately I would be in a self-satisfied state, as if everything was non-existent. I would feel extremely comfortable physically and had my energy recovered very quickly. I then understood why the Buddhist monks could sit in meditation all night without sleeping. I also formed some habits which I would illustrate in the following.
1. I realized why Buddhist monks like to eat vegetables, because I began to hate eating meat and prefer vegetables. Although I had always liked vegetables since my childhood, I ate only vegetables now and could even smell a kind of fishy smell in eggs and that smell made me nauseate.
2. For a short period of time, the phenomenon of “bi gu” happened to me, which is a special state of not eating or eating very little but not feeling hungry. During that time, I was very comfortable physically, very energetic and my gong was enhanced greatly.
3. Sometimes I choose a cypress tree in the woods and collected its energy. Then I would feel energized very sufficiently. I stretched out my arms around the tree trunk, but my hands did not touch it. I used a special way to suck the energy of the tree into my body through my hands. After a long time, a little circle of light white mark was formed in my left palm. I then realized also why in mythical legends, ghosts and monsters could suck human energy. In the same way I was sucking the energy of the tree.
4. In order to stimulate my tianmu, I use a gong method which allowed me to set my eyes directly on the sun. I usually chose the noon time sun to gaze at. And I usually did this for a few minutes, but my eyes wouldn’t be hurt. When I looked at the sun, there would be a dark shade covering the sun. But I had to concentrate, never to err.
5. Sometimes, I could see bright light covering my hands, trees and electric wires. When I meditated there would appear in front of my eyes shimmering lights like very bright stars.
6. I began to practice divination by the Eight Diagrams. There were very often bunches of people coming to my office in my work unit to ask me to tell fortunes for them. People who needed to make some major decisions would come to consult me to and then leave happily.
In a word, I found that I was changing. I had many strange hobbies and was at odds with the world that I was living in. I got estranged from people around, admired hermits greatly and was sorry that I couldn’t lead a life like theirs. I understood why priests or Buddhist monks had to practice Taoism or Buddhism far away from the society. It was not just for practicing.
I went further and further, alone by myself. Without any companion, I traversed lonely, yet not knowing what my destination was.
4. Pilgrimage for Buddhist Scripture
In the summer of 1990, I traveled to Beijing to attend Zhang Hongbao’s class of “Chinese Health Improving and Intelligence Enhancing Gong.” I studied hard for two weeks in the suburban area of Beijing and achieved a lot.
On the first day, I saw Zhang Hongbao, who delivered a speech at the school opening ceremony. He looked very young, his face glowing with health. As a young student, he was once to labor in the countryside in Northeast China and then one day, he suddenly obtained supernormal ability. He started to “leave the mountain” (chu shan) on August 8th, 1988 and became a famous qigong master overnight. He was divorced. He was ery much business oriented and in a very short time made a lot of money through qigong business means and set up qigong schools etc.. In his speech, Zhang very excitedly described the emergence of all kinds of qigong by different origins as the contention of a hundred schools of thought during the Spring and Autumn and Warring States Periods (770-221 B.C.).
Zhang left after giving his speech, and his disciples taught the classes. There were many trainees and it was very hot. I learned why there were so many people who would like to learn from him, because he taught the most direct methods for the people who had never practiced qigong to obtain supernormal capabilities very quickly. Principles that took me a long time to learn were casually taught by him.
One day, a teacher taught us how to see light, light that is invisible to human eyes. I had seen invisible light before, but not that of human body. The teacher was very serious and also very proud. He seemed to have very high level gong. He stood in front of the class, whom he asked to see the light above the top of his head. He claimed to have light of several colors over his head and the more colors there are the higher the power. I tried to look and saw only a light circle of white color. I adjusted my state and saw beautiful circles of red, yellow and green colors above his head. If there were even more colors, including purple, his gong would have reached a very considerable level. This is why in the pictures of Buddhist ancestors, there is a circle of light over their heads which resembles the sun.
While we trainees were at the qigong school, we lived in dorms. In my dorm there were eight of us. Three were university students, one senior high student and one teacher. There were also two who were said to be masters at a martial arts hall in the south. They were very much respected by the three university students, even though I regarded them as having just an average level of gongfu and an acceptable skill of martial arts. While we stayed together, every one of us did his best to display how excellent is his qigong virtue, showing courtesy to others, paying respect to others, humbling himself and tolerating others. One of the university students was a student leader. He appreciated “The Great Qigong Masters” by Ke Yunlu and would gasp in great admiration of it. He held it in his hand and said to me, “I have read it many times. Ke Yunlu is so profoundly and rigorously logic that his thinking is really unbelievable!” and etc.
Every night before we went to bed, we meditated together for an hour, listening to the repeatedly reading and singing of “nan wu a me tuo fu”, a piece of Buddhist verse. I liked this verse and the sound of it sent forth from a loudspeaker, which could be heard in all the dormitories. It was full of dignity, power and mystique. I sat in meditation for an hour, feeling very cool and lie down to sleep with comfort. Those university students admired me a lot for being able to sit with both of my legs bent and set on each other.
Every morning before sunrise we practiced CHIIEG together and the loudspeaker played beautiful music and gong practice steps. I practiced seriously everyday, but without remarkable results.
After the training, I went to the first greatest Taoist temple, Beijing White Cloud Taoist Temple. Visitors were few, but I was full of interest. I chatted with someone who looked like a chief Taoist priest. He said he practiced gong every night. But I was disappointed because I didn’t find any priest of high level gongfu. It seemed that they no longer had the true essence of Taoism in there.
Two weeks later, I went to Lao Shan Mountains in Qingdao, Shandong Province. Pu Song Lin mentioned in the classic “Lao Zhai Zhi Yi” about the wondrous gongfu of Taoist priests in Lao Shan Mountains. When I was there, Kuang Zangxiu, a chief Taoist priest of high level had just died. I toured around, took many pictures and worshipped the idols made of mud and achieved unexpectedly the desired effect. I was very much touched, realized many principles and was greatly inspired. Very quickly, the summer is over. I returned to my work unit. My qigong level entered since then into another new sphere.
5. As My Heart Wills
My trip to Beijing gave me great confidence. Firstly, I realized that my gong level is so high that I had never, up till then, never met anyone who was at a higher level than I was. Secondly, I achieved great progess in the philosophical theory of qigong and also in my gong power. I got very much encouraged by these and decided to have my tianmu opened as soon as possible. I thought that the evidence of tianmu being opened was not just the ability to see some special light, but the ability to perceive human body or other objects.
During this period of time, another high level gong method of Yan Xin was published and it came with audio tapes. So the practitioners could listen to the instructions while they practiced. The name of this gong method was called “Nine-step Qigong” This is a very powerful gong method, but also very difficult, mainly because the imagination steps are very complex and hard to be achieved simultaneously. The object of imagination is lotus, the image highly esteemed in Taoism. I practiced for nine months and completed all the practice process. My gong power was greatly increased; more importantly, my qigong theory was even more perfected, my power of understanding further enhanced, and my quality for practicing qigong remarkably improved. I set about to make more and deeper study of qigong works and gradually perfected my own philosophical theory qigong.
Just before I practiced “Nine-step Qigong,” I acquired a very interesting gong power. One day I found my audio tape of qigong practice lost all the recordings on it. I didn’t know it was the tape and thought it was the player that went wrong. But I was mistaken and suddenly realized that it was a supernormal phenomenon. I then held the tape in my hand, produced gong for a little while and put it back in the player. The tape played and still it ran quietly. I waited and listened for a little while more. Gradually I heard a very small sound which grew louder and louder as if the sound was coming from far to near. Finally it was all normal. I knew I had acquired new power.
Once I was with some friends who had a similar problem. They couldn’t understand why their cassette tape went wrong. I took the tape with me to the outside, meditated a little while and put it back into the player. They played it and there came the beautiful music. I was at another time with some young students, enjoying some disco music. Again, the tape was soundless and a boy student checked and judged that the player was broken. I told him it wasn’t and took over the tape and shook it. I played it and the rhythmic music played from the tape filled the room. That student looked at me blankly, completely puzzled.
After I practiced “Nine-step Qigong,” this ability of mine was even enhanced. I once visited with the family of a friend who also practiced qigong. She tried to play some music to please us all, but the tape would not produce any sound. She found it strange and tried another tape, which showed the player to have no problem. I told her that I could make the tape normal. She was excited to hear this and would like to see how it could be possible. I put that tape back in the player, pushed down the play button and sat down quietly to maneuver the sound of the tape by meditation. Gradually, the sound came up, from small to loud, as if it had come from far to near. My friend exclaimed in admiration, “Ah! You are really now omnipotent!” I was all the more so much pleased with myself that I continued to exert my imaginative thought upon the tape and the sound grew louder and louder until it reached a volume even louder than what the player was set to produce.
I felt great when I moved to about the fourth step in the “Nine-step Qigong.” I was thinking about some issue one day when I happened to see a enamel bowl some where near me in the room. It had its cover on it, but I suddenly began to see a dark green shadow in the bowl. I looked closely and saw it was water. I held the bowl up. The water shook in the bowl. I was very surprised, for I could now perceive objects, even through iron. I couldn’t even believe then that this was true, so I observed more. I removed the cover of the bowl, looked from the inside and the outside of the bowl and finally was certain that I could perceive the bowl and see the water from the outside of the bowl. The major function of “Nine-step Qigong” is to develop supernatural capabilities, especially that of perception. I thus realized about the power of this gong method. But what was strange was that I later lost the ability to perceive enamel bowl. I had great regrets and confusion.
I usually practiced at night with the lights out. I closed my eyes and could still see the outlines of my hands with a layer of white light. Sometimes I woke up at night and saw clearly the outlines of my shiny hands with my eyes closed. I felt I saw them with my tianmu.
During this period of time, healing the sick became more and more easy for me. The methods that I used looked to others more and more mysterious. I invented as my heart desired some gestures, which I just very simply performed, for it took me only a thinking to solve the problem. Really, it looked as if I had done nothing, for imaginative meditation was all that was needed.
Another inexplicable phenomenon bothered me. When I practiced, one day, the electric power failed in my room and I thought it was general power failure. I looked outside and saw there was light in all the other rooms. Yet the lights in my room were on the same circuit as others. A few hours later, the lights in my room suddenly lit up. This happened several times. I knew this was another qigong phenomenon which I found hard to control. Every time when it happened, I had to sit in meditation for a while before I could have the light back in my room. My life was made inconvenient in this way. Sometimes I would just light some candles and leave my cassette player alone. I was very unhappy for my gong power was being interfered by electricity supply. I wondered why I couldn’t maneuver the electric power as easily as I could maneuver the sound of tapes. For I sometimes forget whether the switch was on or off when I went to bed, I would have to wake up and turn the light off when the light was back on again.
Once the light was out again when two qigong friends came to listen to some music in my room. I was very embarrassed and asked them to wait while I got on to my bed and sat in meditation. In about ten minutes the light was back on. They listened to the music and praised me in admiration, yet I fretted for being unable to control the light. This situation lasted for over half a year. Sometimes when the light was out, I would go outside and a surge of unspeakable sadness and incompetence arose in my heart.
By that time I had practiced qigong for four years. I practiced it every day and had reached a considerable high level. Then I began to take several disciples. The ones with good qigong quality soon acquired supernatural capabilities. Many more began to persistently practice qigong under my influence. Pang Ming’s “Zhineng Qigong” was very popular then. People listened to loudspeakers on sports grounds while they practiced qigong every day in the afternoon and evening. I joined them for a few times, for I could encourage them as a high-level qigong master admired by them by so doing. In this way, I could also claim myself to have no sect prejudices, an excellent qigong virtue.
A Chinese saying goes like this: “In ten years of hard practices one is unknown; once with an achievement of success, he is known by all.” This proverb popular in the qigong field described exactly my feeling. But I thought my gongfu still had much room for improvement, for my goal was Yan Xin’s qigong level. I continued with qigong practice almost apathetically and continued to be awakened to more principles of qigong. I had only one thought which was never to stop practicing, ever for one day. I was like a lonely traveler in the desert heading forward in a direction that I thought to be correct, without knowing when or whether at all I would be able to get to the destination, neither did I know what the destination should be like. I had only one thought that sustained my will, which was to continue, never to cease.
6. Heading for my Doom
As my supernormal capabilities multiplied, I gradually understood that the legendary “eight immortals” were actually some Taoist qigong masters of high level. They had achieved great success with their qigong practices and had become immortals who would never die. Then my goal was no longer Yan Xin’s qigong level, but becoming a figure like the “eight immortals” and acquiring eternal life.
Sometimes I looked up into the sky and was filled with aspiration and also doubts. I tried to understand the universe and pondered over its limit and significance, but my intelligence and thinking were so limited and incapable that the only answer I found was no answer. I sought painfully and realized a truth which I took to be the supernormal ability of qigong as the only way for finding out about the universe and life. It seemed that this world was controlled by time. So I thought if time disappeared, many things would have been totally different. Human beings would then not grow decrepit and die. But it looked as if time would not disappear. Hence the only way out was to break away from the control of time. I borrowed a book on relativity of Einstein and studied about principles of time and space. Roughly speaking, what I learned from my study was that when the speed of a moving object exceeded that of light, speed of time would change. I hence concluded that time had different densities. When time of less density entered into time of more density, life could be greatly elongated. Then I realized the saying in mythical legends of “a day in heaven is a year on earth” is reasonable. In fact, when I practiced qigong and sat in meditation, I had experienced the magical change of time. When I entered into a visionary state, I felt as if I had disappeared. Because of this, it was hard to estimate how long I had meditated. Sometimes I felt as if half an hour had passed, yet it was only one or two minutes; sometimes I felt it was only one or two minutes, it was half an hour. From this, I deducted a theoretical hypothesis, which was time could be described by the three dimensional coordinated axes. Through adjusting the coordinates, we could adjust the density of time and hence the speed of time.
With this understanding, I then found many issues that had baffled me were easily solved. The Indian monk Da Mo who was the founder of Shaolin temple, was said to have once faced the wall for eight years. Many people believed that this could not have been true. But I thought that since Da Mo had indeed a very high level of gongfu, he could have adjusted his position on the time coordinate axis, so that the eight years in which he sat in meditation facing a wall, passed, for him, like a number of minutes or hours, while for others, like eight years. Having such as its founder a person of such a high level of gongfu, it is no wonder that Shaolin temple could have its great influence up to day.
I regarded the “eight immortals” as people like Da Mo, but of an even higher level. They could break away from the control of time in normal state. That is to say they positioned themselves at the origin of the coordinate axes. That was why they could be immortals.
I restudied classical literature like “Pilgrimage to the West”, “Liao Zhai Zhi Yi” and “Feng Shen Yan Yi”, etc. I also read the part of “Wind and Moon Treasure Mirror” in “The Dream of the Red Chamber.” I was immensely enlightened. I discovered that in these works were there many indications of qigong practice and something about the spiritual sphere I had realized. I regarded Wu Chengen, the author of “The Pilgrimage to the West” was not simply a literary writer, for his knowledge of qigong practice was absolutely thorough. I then understood why the great qigong master Yan Xin highly praised these literary classics.
I studied “I-ching” (Yi-jing), “Tao Te Ching” (Daodejing) and writings by Han Feizhi and Zhuang Zhi. Though these works are commonly regarded as literary and philosophical classics, I discovered in them theories of high level qigong gongfu. And Ke Yunlu and Yan Xin appreciated these books greatly too, regarding them as deep works on qigong. Through my study, I made a huge modification of my qigong theory. Since then, I only sat in meditation when I practiced qigong, no longer following any steps or any gong methods. These, I discovered, were only superficial embellishments and were only for people who didn’t understand the theory of qigong. For practitioners of high level gongfu, philosophical theory of qigong was the most powerful inspiration. Every new piece of principle realized would mean an immediate increase of gong power for the practitioner, who would then be one more step closer to the spiritual sphere.
I also realized what in essence Yan Xin’s “qi-remitting” lectures were. I experimented with some people who also cried, or laughed or danced without stopping. I sometimes secretly healed others. I imagined that I went to the person that I wanted to heal and healed him. I later asked him about his illness. He said he was healed, but didn’t know that I did it for him. If some came to me for healing a third party, I would give him something, plus some so-called “messages” for him to take to the sick person; or give him a prescription of Chinese Medicine to be carried by the sick person in his pocket. Many got healed in this way. Later I found that it was still too troublesome and just simply told them, “There is nothing serious. He’ll be ok tomorrow.” It was exactly so the next day. Or I would say, “You’re already healed.” The painful sickness of the patient would disappear immediately.
But if someone had displeased me and I felt this person to be a bad person, I would curse him and attack him by imaginative meditation. The result would usually be his getting sick or having some unlucky things happened to him the next day. And the sickness might be with him for a long time. In qigong area, there is a saying meaning “If in three days I haven’t punished any people, I would be in such low spirit that I can’t even walk vigorously.” I often enjoyed the delight and satisfaction in punishing people.
In 1991, I decided to practice “yang shen chu qiao,” which is to have one soul leave one’s body and to have it move freely outside one’s body while leaving the body where it is to wait for the soul to return back to it. This is a horrible gong method, and very dangerous. But once it was achieved, it would be possible to the person to come back and forth between the spiritual and the material worlds. The reason why I decided to practice this gong method was because I had reached this level and couldn’t have skipped it over.
Before then, I had discovered that my soul would go on itself out of my body at night. As soon as I fell asleep, my soul would soon drop downward, as if there was an abyss, very horrifying, and I had to sit up immediately. I found it very strange and wondered why the soul wouldn’t go upward. Sometimes I tried to connive at my soul’s going down ward, but I couldn’t overcome the fear in any ways. I decided to practice “soul leaving the body.”
According to some qigong theory, practitioners of “soul leaving the body” must have helpers around to take care of them, for in the beginning stage, the soul may not be used to the new dimensional directions and may easily get lost and be unable to find its way back. If the soul delays too long, it many never come back, and the body will die.
From my beginning experiences, I learned that it is an extraordinarily horrible feeling. For I understood the terrifying feeling of the soul, I was worried about my soul being unable to come back. I wanted to find someone who would keep me company while I practiced. This person must have deep feelings for me and would shout wholeheartedly for me to come back when my soul got lost on its way back.
And this person must understand the principles and methods of qigong practice. I didn’t have around me anyone who could meet with these qualifications. I wish I had a very good girlfriend, but I couldn’t find anyone suitable for me. Out of no choice, I started to practice on my own.
When night came, I sat in meditation for a little while before I lied down. I found that it was the most convenient for my soul to leave my body when I lied down on my back. Gradually I entered into a half-sleeping state and my consciousness came to be almost static. All of a sudden, my soul had a stir, my consciousness was recovered, it awoke but stayed static. My body couldn’t move. My soul didn’t drop downward as before, but floated upward. First, I felt I was suddenly lightened and my legs went up out of my body and got up in the air, like floating to the surface in the water, only it was even lighter.
Second, my lower part of body, abdomen, and my upper part moved upward, but very disgustingly, my head had a very hard time coming out, as if there were many connections that couldn’t be loosened. At this point, I felt as if someone had caught me by my feet and dragged me upward. I felt miserable. Then I felt terrified. Though terror is also a good phenomenon according to qigong theory, the terror of having the soul leave the body is inexplicable. I returned to my body hurriedly, like ship returning to a warm harbor. I turned on the lights immediately and waited while my fears receded. Then I went to bed, feeling as if relieved of a heavy burden. I slept with all the lights on, for I dared not to turn them off.
This situation lasted for about half a year. But later my soul could go out more and more easily. I dared not to even lie on my back, for otherwise my soul would leave my body as soon as I was asleep. Every time my soul was out, I had to face with tremendous fear. I got myself very much exhausted physically and mentally in this way and had to stop practicing qigong for a few days. Whenever I wanted to have my soul come out of my body, I simply lied down on my back, very quickly, my soul began to float up. What puzzled me most was why my soul was afraid when it was outside the body. I didn’t see anything horrible nor did I hear any fearful sound. I found my fear unreasonable, for I had nothing to fear. I had always thought myself to be a very bold person. I even practiced qigong at night alone on a mountain covered with thick forests. I really couldn’t find reasons for my fear, instead I tried to accept it by thinking that the heavier price I would pay, the higher level I would be able to achieve. I also took it as a kind of training and trial. Anyway, I hoped to reach the level as soon as possible so that I could come in and out of my body freely either at night or during the day. I also hoped I would be able to go very far, unlimited by time and space, and perform many miracles. I continued on my way, not knowing it was a broad road leading to death and hell.
There were several times when it seemed that my soul successfully got away from my body. It went above the bed and turned around to look at the body, which now looked very much blurred. There was another time when my soul dropped down onto my shoes by the bed. Every time the soul went out, it had to hurry back, afraid of any longer delays. Fear was the thing that I was never able to defeat, and I was also worried that I might not be able to return back. I had only achieved the first stage, when the soul, once outside the body, could not yet clearly hear or see or feel or know anything. I really wished to have someone to take care of me while I practiced, but I had never found the right person. I was very regretful about this and the gongfu of having the soul leave the body couldn’t be practiced further.
But just as I was still trying to find ways to continue practicing this gongfu, great changes happened to my life. A series of events brought my life to a serious crisis and I had to look at qigong and my life from a different angle. It was the most miserable and darkest time in my life.
7. A Hopeless Lamb
Years of qigong practice made me consider myself always in the right. But just as I was very pleased w ith myself, a lot of strange events happened in my life, many of which were hard to understand. All these things, which were related to all aspects of my life, were unpleasant, even sad and painful.
1. There were clear signs of my character becoming vile and corrupted. My previous gentle and amiable personality had at this point been replaced by extraordinarily irritable, quick temper. I had no patience whatsoever and was often resentful and even murderously impulsive. I was now disrespectful to my parents and often hurt their feelings. I didn’t know why, and it seemed without any reasons that I became more and more a horrible person. I too found myself strange. Every time I was at odds with my parents and siblings, I was very sorry. I regretted what I had done and wondered why I did that!
2. Due to the supernormal capabilities I had in me, I became very proud of myself and despised practitioners of lower levels. But my heart was very often full of empty feelings and obscurities, and I didn’t know why. My exclusive life style made me feel more and more lonely and my life lacked vitality and joy. Sometimes I admired very much life the style of normal people, for my life had become more and more heavy laden. I felt these phenomena were contrary to proposed qigong theories, which held that as the practitioner’s gong power increased, his/her personality would be bettered, since qigong practice was an effective process for cultivating love, gentleness, kindness and intelligence, and other beautiful humanities of the like. Practitioners were to have the freedom of having whatever their hearts desired, but, on the contrary, the reality for me was that I felt more and more burdened and bound in my life.
3. There were many displeasing things happened in my life. The pressure I got from work, due to all the difficulties I met with, was greater than I could bear. And my work unit leaders treated me very unfriendly. I had a very unfavorable relationship with a specific colleague. I failed repeatedly in my love affairs, very often without rhyme or reason. Financially, I had a very tight budget and suffered several business failures.
5. On one night, not long after I started to practice Yan Xin Qigong, I suddenly woke up with a start, for I felt something was pushing down on me. I was very much afraid and wanted to struggle, but I couldn’t move my body. I tried to cry out, but I could produce only a weak sound. Eventually I sat up abruptly and turned on the lights. This happened repeatedly later and was more and more serious. I began to hear voices speaking and even sounds of people panting. I clearly felt the weight of someone who seemed to have thrown himself on me and clutched my neck. I could even feel the temperature of his hands. In order to know this was not mere illusion, I went to sleep with the lights on. When I was again pressed own, I opened my eyes and saw a thing in my room and even read the words on the wall. This was not a dream. I struggled to get up and was extremely terrified. I didn’t understand how this could happen. Though it happened not so often later on when my gong practice proceeded, it never stopped. I suffered all by myself this spiritual and physical torture for years, daring not to let others know.The above terrifying phenomena tormented me and caused me pains and bewilderment, but no doubt at all was thus engendered in me about qigong. According to qigong theory, tribulations are favorable phenomena, for suffering tempers one’s character. “You gain while you lose.” You can acquire excellent quality groundwork through suffering, which is the indispensable step before you achieve complete success in qigong practice, for I hoped to achieve the “final result” and become an “immortal”, who no longer had to suffer hardship in this world. Since those horrible happenings hadn’t awakened me to the danger of qigong, even more terrible events began to befall on me, like a hellish curse following me closing in as if it were my shadow. I emphasized a lot my practicing qigong at Qingming (5th solar term), because qigong theory holds that practicing on red-letter days in the lunar calendar is very effective. I turned off the lights at night and sat in mediation satisfactorily in my mosquito net. I adjusted my body and breath, faced northward, and entered into qigong state of tranquility. After a short while, a slight and subtle sad feeling arose spontaneously in my heart. I didn’t pay special attention to it, for I thought qi field at Qingming should have some sad elements. But what happened next seemed very unusual. The sadness aggravated and grew to be a deep sorrow, which I tried very hard to subdue. But it was in vain, for I just wanted to cry. I did my best to hold it back and felt extremely miserable both spiritually and physically. At last I cried out and woeful tears kept running down my face. I was unable to stop the cry, yet not knowing the reason why I cried. It seemed that someone was sobbing in me. This sad power constantly ran inward to the depth of my heart, saddened my soul and rushed out along with my tears and crying. I sat there, crying; sometimes high, sometimes low; as if due to enmity, and also hatred. How I wished someone were with me! But no one heard me, nor anyone knew what happened. There was only my mournful crying resounding in the small, dark, lonely room. I changed to be a melancholy and taciturn person, without joy, heavy heartened, having only a tiny bit of comfort of vanity for my supernatural abilities. Qigong was now the sustenance and meaning of my life. My moods fluctuated with my feelings, which were led by qigong. My overall logical thinking ability went downward; I lacked wisdom in what I did. I could be talkative and quick in thinking only when the topic of conversation was about qigong. I didn’t see what I was like. No one reminded me that my humanity had gone abnormal. The most disastrous event finally happened.
I was forced to quit my job due to a very strange event, so I returned home and shut myself up in my study. I also started to do some business. My girlfriend left me. I cried and complained to my mum and decided to give up on love since then. On a summer night, a band of gangsters attacked my home with knives and axes. Three in my family were wounded. I was badly stabbed in the head. Blood spilled all over the floor, stinking smell filled up the room. Our report to the security authorities was ignored. Our complaint was not attended to. We stayed in the hospital for half a year, exhausting almost all of our savings. I had thus lost all the financial resources, after I had lost my job. Years earlier, when all my family started to practice qigong, my brother was stabbed in the chest and almost lost his life. He was out of danger two weeks later and was hospitalized for half a year. He rested at home for a year and then left to work in another city. He had also suffered a lot in his love affairs. After this disaster, I began to relate qigong with all these unfortunate incidents, realizing more or less the dangerous elements of qigong. But I didn’t yet stop practicing it. I carried on some business, but very often when it was almost successful, unexpected occurrences would come up to bring about failure. My qigong and supernatural capabilities didn’t offer me any help. My life got into a predicament and I met with failure everywhere. There was only a precipice in front of me. It seemed that besides my jumping down into it, there was nothing else that could be done.
I went to visit my brother during a trip on business. His girlfriend’s mother said to me that in the whole China there couldn’t be found another unlucky family as ours. I was watching a movie about a gambler on TV one night. A famous Hong Kong actor was playing the antagonist, who had supernatural capabilities. They were repeatedly performed in the movie and suddenly stimulated me so violently that I felt my own supernatural ability was stirred, and very soon I lost control of myself under a power unlike any that I had experienced before. I was forcefully controlled by that power. I wanted to cry and to have a big move. My consciousness was gradually completely dominated by another “me” who went as far as wanting to control my body. “It” wanted me to walk towards the window and commanded me to jump out of the window. I held myself and shouted crazily. My brother and his girlfriend were greatly astonished. My brother held me tightly for a few minutes until I eventually calmed down and told him it was all right now. After a while, my brother started to weep, his girlfriend standing by and comforting him.
Finally, I decided to leave the place where I had lived for many years, for somewhere where nobody knew me. Amazingly, a rare chance brought me to a remote and ideal area, which looked to me as a foreign country, a world full of novelties. I congratulated myself for finally having escaped from the past, which now had passed like a last-night nightmare. Presented in front of me was now a broad, hopeful and vigorous territory.